The Heart of a Warrior
by Lady Arreya
Summary: AU coda to the novel "Day of Honor: Her Klingon Soul." P/T.


Originally written Nov 2000

Title: The Heart of a Warrior  
Rating: M  
Summary: AU coda to the novel "Day of Honor: Her Klingon Soul." P/T.

A/N: This story was inspired by the events of the novel "Day of Honor: Her Klingon Soul" by Michael Jan Friedman, but it takes place in an AU (because I'm fairly certain that this is NOT what MJF had in mind when he had Tom ask B'Elanna, "Say, you want to do something later? When you go off duty, I mean?" at the end of the novel! *snicker* heehee! ;) (then again, you never know... ;) ) ). In this AU, Tom and B'Elanna are already a couple. It is not necessary to have read the book to understand the story (but if you haven't read it yet, prepare to be spoiled...).

I'm certainly not going to advocate reading the novel, considering that I only wrote this story because the novel irritated me and the ending was dissatisfying! In all honesty, I only bought the novel because the cover looks cool (well, except for that pesky Kazon. but I can ignore him).

This story's a little cheesy, but considering the material I had to work with... I'm not too surprised. :)

Although this story was originally written November 2000, it was never posted anywhere.

* * *

B'Elanna returned to her quarters, finally finished with all of her work and feeling much more at peace with herself now that she had acknowledged and celebrated the Day of Honor in her own way.

Sitting down to rest for a moment, she closed her eyes. She still felt tired and sore from the travails of the past few days. The Doctor had treated her injuries, but she would still need to time to heal, physically and emotionally.

Exhausted, she eventually headed for the bathroom to take a quick shower. After that, she planned to go straight to bed.

And Tom would probably stop by soon to keep her company... She smiled at that thought.

In the shower, her thoughts turned to the events of the last few days. So much had happened that she was still feeling a little overwhelmed by it. Getting captured by the Kazon, and then by the Nograkh, having to work on the ore mining station, the prisoner rebellions, the escape...

But now she was back on Voyager, safe and sound. Her ordeal had definitely made her realize how lucky she was to have a home like this. She appreciated all of Voyager's comforts all the more.

After her shower, she began preparing for bed. It would be wonderful to sleep in her own bed again instead of the cold, hard floor of a prison cell. Wonderful to really sleep again, instead of merely dozing, always on guard...

She heard a rustling sound and tensed, suddenly realizing that she wasn't alone in her quarters. Her instincts kicked in, and she whirled around defensively, prepared to lash out at the intruder...

...only to find Tom there, looking startled to see the fierceness in her eyes. "B'Elanna?"

"Don't sneak up on me like that," she growled crossly. Her heart was still racing from the scare, the adrenaline pumping.

He held up his hands in a conciliatory gesture. "I'm sorry. You didn't answer, so I just let myself in."

"It's okay. Just don't do it again." She sat down again, rubbing her temples. Her head was aching.

Concerned, he moved to her side. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she said sharply, instantly regretting it upon seeing the hurt expression on his face. She knew that she was being unreasonably snappish, but she couldn't seem to help it. She was on edge, jumpy because her senses were still highly attuned to any possible threats. Even though she knew she was safe on Voyager, she couldn't help feeling like she had to watch her back every single second. It was reflexive, a leftover habit from her imprisonment on the mining station.

He made a move to touch her, but she instinctively stiffened. The gesture was so slight that she didn't even notice that she had recoiled, but Tom noticed. He didn't try again, recognizing that she had been through a lot and needed time to re-adjust to life on Voyager. If she didn't want him to touch her, he would respect her wishes. Even though all he wanted to do at the moment was take her into his arms and hold her close.

But if he couldn't do that, the least he could do was get her to talk to him.

"How are you feeling?"

B'Elanna merely shrugged.

An uncomfortable silence hung between them for several moments. She went back to brushing her hair.

"So how was your Day of Honor celebration?" he finally ventured.

"Fine."

"Tolga and some of the other Nograkh were looking for you earlier when you were on the holodeck... I told them you were celebrating a special Klingon holiday. Naturally, they wanted to hear all about it."

She gave him a wry smile. "Honor is something they understand all too well."

"Well, they're also interested in anything that has to do with you. You're the hero. Which isn't surprising, considering that you led the escape attempt..."

"It was Tolga's idea. He thought the non-Nograkh prisoners would be more inclined to follow me because I led the first escape attempt."

"Oh, that's right," he remembered. "You actually led two escape attempts."

"The first one wasn't too successful. Probably because we didn't plan it. It just kind of happened."

"How did it happen?"

"One of the guards woke me up in the middle of the night, ostensibly to move an container of ore from the processing facility to the storage areas. When we were alone..." She paused for a moment. "He tried to rape me," she said flatly.

Shocked, he stared at her.

"Oh, B'Elanna... I'm sorry." No wonder she didn't want to be touched, not even by him. She had good reason to be standoffish.

She shrugged, trying to remain detached. "I knocked him out and grabbed his weapon. Then I went back to the holding cell, took out the other guards and disabled the forcefield."

But she didn't really want to talk about any of that. Didn't want to be reminded of her ordeal. The only thing she wanted at the moment was to go to sleep. She looked at him pointedly, hoping he would get the hint, but he didn't.

Instead, he merely looked at her indecisively. He wanted to ask her more, to get her to open up to him, but she didn't seem like she wanted to talk about it. So he stood there uncertainly, trying to gauge her mood. He couldn't figure out what she was thinking, feeling...

When he didn't say anything, she pursed her lips. "Tom... I'm really tired."

She was withdrawing, he realized, somewhat pained. But if she wasn't ready to talk, he didn't want to push her.

He nodded. "It's late, and I should probably get going. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Sweet dreams." With that, he turned and left, leaving her to stare after him, hurt and confused.

When it became clear that he wasn't coming back, she sighed and continued preparing for bed.

In the bathroom, B'Elanna stared at her reflection in the mirror, wondering what had just happened. She had never been very vain about her looks, but she couldn't help but be dismayed at how bad she looked. Her eyes were hollow and lifeless, her complexion pale and sallow. Her cheeks were sunken, and her skin was still irritated where she had suffered from third-degree burns. She looked terrible. And as if that weren't bad enough, she ached all over. Weakened by radiation poisoning, the hard labor of mining, and the stress of the jailbreak. It would take her some time to recover.

She was convinced that he had been repulsed by what she had told him... and perhaps by her as well. He didn't want to hear about it. Didn't want to be near her.

She didn't blame him.

But it still hurt. She had wanted him to stay. A part of her longed for him to comfort her, take care of her. To hold her and whisper tender words in her ear. To take the pain away. He could always make her feel better. When she was with him, she felt loved, appreciated, safe. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms, warmed and comforted by his reassuring presence.

Most of all, she didn't want to be alone.

It was ironic that such a strong, independent woman such as herself would feel this way, but she did. She couldn't be strong all the time.

So many jumbled emotions... B'Elanna almost felt like she was going to break down and start crying. Though she hated feeling so needy and vulnerable, she had to admit that she desperately wanted – no, needed – his love and support.

But he had left her there by herself, and she had too much pride to summon him back.

She shivered, feeling lost and alone. After everything that she had been through, her nerves were frayed, and the little stresses in her life magnified.

However, her thoughts were interrupted by the door chime, and she felt a surge of hope, hoping with all her heart that it was Tom.

"Come in."

The doors opened...

...and there stood Tolga.

Though a little surprised, she smiled, genuinely glad to see him, forgetting her pain and loneliness for the moment.

* * *

For the tenth time in the last five minutes, Tom debated going back to B'Elanna's quarters. But he sternly reminded himself, _No... she needs time to herself. Privacy. Time to think, to heal. She doesn't want me around right now._

No matter how much he wanted to be with her, to comfort and hold her, he knew that she probably wouldn't appreciate it. She had been very abrupt with him just now, closing herself off. He didn't want to intrude.

But he didn't know what to do...

He found himself thinking about the party they'd had in the Mess Hall the night before to celebrate the newfound freedom of the prisoners and their narrow escape.

B'Elanna had been the center of attention, of course. At first she had seemed a little embarrassed to be in the limelight, but she had enjoyed herself at the party.

The Nograkh and other freed prisoners had been in excellent spirits. Happy, hopeful, and definitely optimistic. They had spent the entire evening sharing songs and stories of their glorious, heroic escape, weaving dramatic tales of intrigue, suspense and adventure.

Everyone had spoken admiringly of B'Elanna. Over and over again, they told how she had led not one, but _two_ escape attempts. How she had managed to take out four armed Nograkh guards all by herself. How she had nobly stepped forward, admitting to the Overseer that she had been the leader of the first escape attempt, accepting the responsibility and the consequences. She had been willing to sacrifice herself to save the rest of them, and that had definitely impressed them. In their eyes, she was the epitome of courage, strength and honor. The model warrior. Beautiful, brilliant, courageous, loyal and determined... they had never met a woman like her. She inspired them all, gave them hope, the strength to go on. Their leader, their hero.

At the celebration, they had hailed her as such, making countless toasts and speeches in her honor.

Tom had heard all the tales of her heroism, more than once – even Harry had waxed poetic about how B'Elanna had valiantly rescued him in a vicious brawl with some of the other prisoners – but everything he had heard had been secondhand. He wanted to hear her account and how she was dealing with it.

But she didn't want to talk to him.

He felt a little left out, and his personal insecurities were getting the better of him.

All his life, he'd wanted nothing more than to be a hero. He kept trying, but that goal continued to elude him. No matter how desperately he wanted to be a hero, no matter how hard he tried... he'd experienced nothing but a series of failures.

Where he had failed, B'Elanna had succeeded.

She was a hero.

He couldn't help feeling a little envious. And insecure.

Perhaps... perhaps she didn't really want to be around him any longer. Maybe she had realized that he wouldn't understand... and that he could never live up to her expectations. And perhaps... perhaps he wasn't really worthy of her. Maybe she deserved someone better. Someone heroic. Someone who also had the heart of a warrior.

Someone like Tolga.

Tom had to admit that when he first met the fearsome Nograkh warrior, he had been a little intimidated.

With his massive frame, crimson skin, glittering silver eyes, heavily ridged brow and a jagged scar running along his jaw, Tolga certainly looked formidable.

And yet... around B'Elanna he was anything but.

He was protective of her, but also respectful... almost reverent.

There was obviously considerable affection between them, and Tom couldn't help feeling a little jealous of that.

How could he possibly compare to Tolga?

Tom told himself that he was being ridiculous, that B'Elanna loved him for who he was and didn't expect him to be a hero.

Still, he found himself heading back in the direction of her quarters, wanting to her reassurance.

He rounded the corner...

...only to see B'Elanna standing there in the middle of the corridor right outside her quarters... hugging Tolga.

Tom stopped in his tracks, heart pounding. His worst fears seemed to be coming true.

No. It couldn't be. B'Elanna would never be unfaithful to him. That would be dishonorable.

But it still hurt to think that she preferred to talk to Tolga, preferred to be comforted by him. Understandable that she would feel that way, but it still hurt. It bothered him that Tolga had his arms around her... but she wouldn't even let Tom touch her.

He tried not to let it bother him, reminding himself that it was only natural that B'Elanna would turn to Tolga, who had been through the same ordeal, after all, and understood what it had been like... but it pained him considerably to see the woman he loved in the arms of another man. Even if it was only a friendly hug and nothing more.

That was all that it was, wasn't it?

* * *

The next night, Tom was still troubled and undecided as to what to do.

The Nograkh were having another party, and most of the former Maquis had joined them. They had a lot in common.

He went there hoping to find B'Elanna, but she wasn't there, at least not that he could see. He kept looking though, since just a minute ago the computer had told him that she was in the Mess Hall.

The others studied him with a critical eye. Not blatantly, of course, but he could feel their eyes upon him. They were all curious about him, the man who had such a hold on B'Elanna's affections. _Who __**supposedly**__ has a hold on her affections,_ a little voice inside his head reminded him critically. He tried to ignore it, without much success.

Tom was nervous at being scrutinized like this but tried not to show it, feigning nonchalance as he said hello to fellow crewmembers. Trying not to notice how everyone was staring at him when they thought he wasn't looking.

They were probably wondering what B'Elanna saw in him, he realized. After all, she was their hero, and they had likely expected that she would be with someone worthy of her. Someone equally courageous, honorable and heroic. And maybe they didn't see those qualities in him.

That made him feel terribly inadequate.

From across the room, Tolga frowned as he contemplated the man that everyone found so intriguing. Tom Paris, B'Elanna's lover. Like everyone else, Tolga was trying to figure out what it was about Paris that made B'Elanna adore him so. Because as far as Tolga could tell, from everything that she had said about him, she certainly did love Tom Paris.

Paris was pleasant enough, and reputedly rather good-looking and charming by human standards, as Tolga had been informed, but that wasn't sufficient to explain the attraction. B'Elanna was a truly remarkable woman and deserved to be with someone equally remarkable.

At the moment, Tom Paris was heading over to the bar where Harry was sitting with some friends.

"Hey, Tom," Harry greeted him cheerfully. He'd had quite a bit to drink but was showing no signs of slowing down. "Have you met everyone?"

"Yeah..." Tom casually glanced around the room, looking for B'Elanna. He didn't see her, but he did see Kes and Pacria approaching to get refills on their drinks.

"Hi, Tom," Kes said warmly.

"Hi, Kes, Pacria."

"Would you like to join us at our table?"

"Umm... " Tom looked to Harry, but his best friend had already resumed his conversation with the Nograkh sitting next to him. "Sure," he finally replied.

Tom hadn't spent a great deal of time with Pacria, but he knew that she and Kes had become close friends over the past few days.

He owed a lot to her too. Voyager would never have been able to find the mining colony if Pacria hadn't been there to guide them. This would be the perfect opportunity for him to thank her in person.

Still hoping to spot B'Elanna in the Mess Hall, Tom kept glancing around as they made their way back to the table.

Kes finally realized what he was doing. "She just left a little while ago," she told him quietly.

He flushed a little. Was it that obvious?

"Who?" Pacria wanted to know.

"B'Elanna," Kes told her.

"Oh." The Emmonac looked at Tom thoughtfully, astutely deducing that there must be something between Voyager's chief engineer and head conn officer.

"Have you met her yet, Pacria?"

"I have," Pacria affirmed with a nod. "I met her in Sickbay when she was being treated for radiation poisoning. It was an honor to meet such a courageous woman."

Tom perked up at that. "She's incredible, isn't she?"

Kes and Pacria exchanged amused grins. "You don't have to convince us. The Nograkh have been telling us that all night. They think she's pretty incredible too."

His smile faded a little. The Nograkh. Of course. He had been trying to forget that.

"Pacria, I can't thank you enough for helping us find the mining station. We never would have been to rescue B'Elanna and Harry if it hadn't been for you."

"I was glad to help," she assured him with a smile. "Everyone here has been so kind to me... I almost feel like part of the family."

As the trio continued to talk, most of the others present in the Mess Hall gradually lost interest and stopped staring at Tom.

All except one. Tolga.

Enough was enough, the Nograkh warrior decided, suddenly standing up to head for their table. He would find out for himself what Tom Paris was like.

Kes, Pacria and Tom looked up in surprise as they suddenly realized that Tolga was at their table. He had seemingly come out of nowhere.

"May I join you?"

Kes was the first to recover. "Of course."

Tolga sat down. "How are you feeling?" he asked Pacria.

"Better, thank you," she replied. "And you?"

He shrugged. "I've been though worse."

Pacria nodded in understanding. Her people had also been enslaved by the Zendak'aa, after all.

"I am almost fully recovered," he continued. "As are the rest of my colleagues."

"Will you be going home soon?"

"No... I am considered a revolutionary by the present goverment regime. A wanted criminal. This planet that we go to now... our headquarters is located there."

"A rebel base?" Pacria inquired.

"Yes. We will continue to fight our for our freedom. Though they are Nograkh, they are as oppressive and ruthless as the Zendak'aa."

"I see. I wish you luck, then. It will not be easy."

Shortly thereafter, Kes and Pacria had to leave for Sickbay.

Tom didn't know quite what to say to Tolga. An awkward silence descended upon their table as they regarded each other a little suspiciously. For some reason, Tolga's unfathomable expression made Tom feel surprisingly defensive.

"How far is the planet where your rebel base is located?" he finally asked.

"Not far. We should arrive by tomorrow."

"B'Elanna will be sorry to see you go." _But I won't,_ Tom added grimly to himself.

"I will miss her as well," Tolga said simply. "She is one of the finest warriors I have ever met. An inspiration to us all."

Tom nodded half-heartedly. He had heard this all before...

"It has been an honor to fight by her side," the Nograkh continued. "And it is unfortunate that she will not be able to join us in our rebellion. She would be a valuable ally with her experience and expertise fighting in the Maquis."

"Yeah," muttered Tom, trying not to wince. He couldn't stand the thought of B'Elanna leaving Voyager. Leaving _him_.

Tolga frowned. "Our cause is an honorable one. It has not been easy, but it is worth fighting for," he said sharply.

"I know what it's like," Tom said defensively. "I was also in the Maquis."

"You were?" Tolga looked at him with more respect upon hearing that. "Is that where you met B'Elanna?"

"No... actually I first met her in the Delta Quadrant. I wasn't in the Maquis for very long before I was captured."

"How did you end up here, then?"

"Well, that's a long story..."

Over the next hour, Tom discovered that it was surprisingly easy to talk to Tolga. He wanted to know all about how Tom and B'Elanna had met and gotten together, and Tom was more than happy to tell him.

"We became good friends over the years, mostly thanks to Harry."

Tolga nodded, fascinated.

"Harry's my best friend. He was also good friends with B'Elanna. Not too surprising after all they went through together. She didn't like me that much at first – I had a bad reputation – but she warmed up to me eventually. The three of us spent a lot of time together, on duty and off..."

After Tom finally finished his story, he no longer felt antagonistic towards Tolga. The Nograkh seemed more comfortable with him and even recounted a few stories of his own. By this time, it was getting late, and they stood up to leave.

"Thank you... for being such a good friend to B'Elanna. She means a lot to me..."

"She means a lot to me as well," Tolga said.

After talking to Paris, Tolga was impressed by the strength of the man's devotion to her. He clearly loved B'Elanna very much.

It was just as Harry had said. Harry had only good things to say about his best friend – how brave he was, how sensitive, kind, generous, strong, courageous, resourceful – and he had reassured Tolga many times over that Tom was worthy of B'Elanna's affections.

It was enough to convince Tolga.

"Harry and B'Elanna speak very highly of you," he remarked. "And I can see why. You are a loyal and honorable man."

Surprised, Tom stared at him, but there was nothing but sincerity in Tolga's expression.

"Thanks," he managed to say.

* * *

A short time later, Tom left the Mess Hall with a newfound sense of purpose.

"Computer, what's the location of B'Elanna Torres?"

"Lieutenant Torres is in her quarters."

He made up his mind to see her, hoping that she would be more receptive than last time. He only wanted to help her, be there for her... He loved her.

Holding his breath, he pressed the doorchime.

"Who is it?"

"It's me. Tom."

After a brief pause, she finally said, "Come in."

"Hey."

"Hey."

They regarded each other a little uncertainly for a moment, and he wondered if he should sit down next to her. She was lounging on the couch, dressed only in her bathrobe.

"I was just at the Mess Hall looking for you," he said at last. "I thought you might be at the party still."

She shrugged. "I didn't feel like celebrating anymore. I'm tired."

"Really? I wouldn't have thought that a little thing like being tired would stop you from hanging out with your new friends." Despite his recent talk with Tolga, his insecurities had come flooding back due to B'Elanna's indifferent manner. She didn't exactly seem thrilled to see him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, seeing as how you're so fond of them and all... especially Tolga." He tried to keep his voice neutral but failed miserably.

"What?!"

He had hoped to avoid a confrontation, but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

"I saw you with Tolga last night. At your quarters," he said evenly. "You weren't too tired to talk to him."

"Well, who was I supposed to talk to? You left!" she reminded him indignantly.

"You wanted me to leave!"

"I said I was tired. I didn't say that I wanted you to leave!"

"You didn't want me to leave?"

"No!"

"I didn't want me to leave either!"

They stared at each other, finally realizing how ridiculous they were being.

"Oh..." he said somewhat sheepishly. How had they managed to misinterpret each other so badly the previous night?

B'Elanna scowled at him briefly, but there was no animosity behind it. She was actually relieved that it had simply been a misunderstanding. Tom hadn't wanted to leave. He had even come back. Only to find her with Tolga, unfortunately.

Closing her eyes momentarily, she rubbed her temples. Although it had been good to talk to Tolga, their long conversation had extended late into the night, so she hadn't gotten much sleep.

Tom watched her with concern as she leaned back against the cushions. She looked so tired and fragile.

"B'Elanna..." He tentatively reached out his hand to her, hoping she wouldn't push him away again.

She took his hand and pulled him closer.

Relieved, he sat down and wrapped his arms around her. She immediately relaxed into his embrace.

He ran his fingers through her silken hair, dropping a kiss on her brow. Marveling at how such a strong, tough woman could be so soft and pliant in his arms. Sometimes he could scarcely believe that she would even allow him to hold her like this.

This was one of those times.

For some reason, he couldn't stop himself from asking cautiously, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather be with your Nograkh friends?"

"Not really," she said drowsily, snuggling against him with a slight sigh. "I'd rather be here with you."

That was so hard for him to believe. "Why?"

"Hmmm...?"

"Why would you rather be here with me? Wouldn't you have a better time with them?"

B'Elanna turned to look at him, a hurt expression on her face. "You don't want to be here with me?"

She was still feeling insecure, and all of her previous worries resurfaced. Perhaps he thought her overly aggressive and combative. Intimidating, out of control... too much like a Klingon warrior. Those traits weren't considered very desirable by humans in a woman. They were "unfeminine."

She'd had that problem for far too long...

The thought made her want to cry. She had tried so hard all her life to fit in with the humans around her, never quite succeeding. It seemed like no matter what she did, she could never quite manage to reel in her temper, her aggressive instincts. A terrible trait that tended to scare people off. Especially human males who weren't used to their women being that strong. No wonder she had always gotten along better with the Bajorans. Bajoran men certainly weren't intimidated by strong women the way human men were. Bajoran men were accustomed to being around assertive, independent, strong women.

But of course none of this really mattered because she was still mainly around humans. Not to mention deeply in love with one.

Was he trying to tell her something?

Normally she wouldn't be having these thoughts, but recent events had left her overly sensitive to this issue. For the past few days, the Nograkh with their sexist attitudes had been a constant reminder of those gender expectations.

Their immense fascination with her was largely due to their amazement that a woman could be a warrior. Most of them were rather chauvinistic and believed that women were inferior and incapable of heroic acts. It was almost unfathomable to them that a woman could lead a prison rebellion and succeed, as B'Elanna had. That made her exceptional in their eyes.

In the Federation, gender equality was more of a reality, but not entirely. Some cultures still harbored vestiges of enduring sexist attitudes. Humans included.

Tom stared at her, perplexed. He was bewildered by her reaction, anxiously wondering why she was so upset. He'd managed to convince himself that she was far too good for him, that she deserved much better.... but she still wanted to be with him? Maybe she didn't realize what a loser he was in comparison.

He shrugged helplessly. "I just thought you might want to spend some time with them, considering it's their last night on Voyager and all. Provide them with some inspiration and last-minute advice. You're their hero, you know."

"I don't want to be their hero," she said brusquely. B'Elanna was tired of hearing about how heroic she was. At first she had tolerated it, but now it was getting ridiculous. She just wanted to resume her normal life. In some ways she was glad that the Nograkh would be leaving soon.

"You don't want to be their hero?" Tom asked with some surprise. Didn't everyone want to be a hero? Admired, respected, honored?

B'Elanna made a face. "Being a hero isn't all that it's cracked up to be. It usually means that you have to struggle and suffer. Face adversity. Most heroes die trying," she reminded him. "It was never my intention to become a hero. I was just fighting to survive."

He stared at her, just now realizing the full impact of the hardships she'd had to endure the past few days. He hadn't ever really thought about heroism that way before.

"It's not like I had a choice in the matter. I'd much rather be safe on Voyager than have to go through an ordeal like that and be 'heroic.'" She sighed, pulling away from him to rise and pace around the room. "I've always been taught that Klingons don't fear death. That 'Today is a good day to die.' Klingons confront danger and death fearlessly, bravely, honorably... They welcome it, even. But... I've never really believed that. I don't want to die. I'm not afraid of death, but I'd rather live. Given the choice between living peacefully and dying heroically, I'd choose living."

"How about living heroically?"

That remark earned him a glare.

"Sorry." He captured her hand, tugging her back to him. "Talk to me. I promise to behave."

She smiled a little at that. "You, behave? That'll be the day."

"Seriously," he said, pulling her back into his arms. "I want to hear what happened."

She knew that he meant it, so she told him everything. Not the way the Nograkh and the other prisoners had told their stories – he'd already heard the glorious tales and dramatizations of their epic adventure. Instead, she told him exactly what had happened, very simply, from her perspective. The anger, sorrow, rage, helplessness, frustration, weakness, pain that she had experienced... the cruel, stark reality of it all.

"Harry and I were ambushed by the Kazon. When they captured us, they told us that they had been planning it for months. That they were determined to get our transporter technology this time and would stop at nothing."

He grimaced. That couldn't have been pleasant. He knew that from personal experience, having been imprisoned by the Kazon himself – the Kazon-Nistrim, when Seska had still been alive.

"We didn't stand a chance. The Kazon had set their trap well, and they easily outnumbered and overpowered us. They were planning to meet a Kazon cruiser at the other end of the sector... but when they got there, they found the cruiser completely destroyed. We were attacked and captured by the Nograkh.

"All the other prisoners hated us because we were brought in with the Kazon, and they thought we were allies. A few of them picked a fight with us, but Tolga intervened. He stood up for us. If it hadn't been for him..."

Tom nodded.

"We were forced to mine and process the radioactive ore they collected from the asteroid belt. We were all dying of radiation poisoning..."

Her voice was bleak as she continued her story.

"The food, if you can call it that, was so bad that I was actually starting to look forward to Neelix's cooking. By then, things were looking grim. We didn't think we'd live long enough for Voyager to rescue us, even if Captain Janeway did manage to track us down..."

"But you did," he said firmly, hugging her to him. "And we found you."

She smiled a little at that. "Just in time."

"How did you manage to escape?"

"The second night on the mining station, one of the guards..." she trailed off.

He pulled her closer. "B'Elanna, you don't have to talk about it if it upsets you."

"No... It's all right. ... It... it was an opportunity to escape. I was one of the only women there... I guess it was inevitable..." There was bitter contempt and revulsion in her tone.

"Harry tried to help me... but I told him to stay where he was... because I knew that they would have killed him if he had continued to object..."

He knew that she was protective of Harry, as he was.

"I saw a chance to escape, and I took it. I didn't think about it... I just acted. I did what I had to do to survive. That was our first escape attempt."

B'Elanna closed her eyes.

"After that... the Station Overseer called us all in... interrogated us as a group. He wanted to know who had led the rebellion so he could make an example of that prisoner..."

She shook her head. "No one said anything... I thought that surely someone would turn me in... but no one did."

"They were too honorable to do that," he said softly. Having spent some time with the Nograkh, he knew what honor meant to them. Apparently that had influenced the other, non-Nograkh prisoners as well.

"When no one would talk, the Overseer threatened to kill someone at random if the leader didn't come forward. I couldn't let someone else die in my place... so I came forward..." She swallowed hard.

He stroked her back soothingly, encouraging her to continue. "And..."

"He didn't believe me. He laughed in my face. Tolga told me later that they didn't think a woman could lead a rebellion," she said with a harsh bark of laughter.

They knew better now.

But that wasn't much consolation.

She held her head in her hands. "They killed one of the Nograkh prisoners, when it should have been me."

"B'Elanna..."

"Don't you understand?! An innocent man died in my place, and no one said anything." She was still consumed with guilt and anger, he could tell. "It should have been me," she repeated with fierce conviction.

"B'Elanna, there wasn't anything you could have done. He chose to make that sacrifice because it was what honor demanded of him."

"But none of the others interfered. They kept silent... They let him die!"

"That was what honor demanded of _them_. They had to respect his decision. His sacrifice. It was his choice to make. You shouldn't feel guilty about that."

It would take time for her to come to terms with this.

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "The guards, the Overseer... none of them would listen. Didn't believe me even when I kept insisting... even after I explained how it had happened. They thought I was weak, frail..."

"You're not. They underestimated you."

She nodded. "They regretted it later... We showed them... We escaped." Though it had been a bittersweet victory – many lives had been lost in the escape.

He hugged her. "Thank goodness."

She smiled weakly at him. "Voyager arrived just in time."

Neither of them said anything for a long while. He stroked her raven hair, hoping to provide some measure of comfort. Melting in his arms, she gave a peaceful little sigh, needing the tenderness he offered.

On the mining station, the other prisoners had all looked up to her, depended on her to lead them. She'd had to be strong for their sake.

But now she could let all of that go. She could confess all her fears, release all the pent-up emotions that had haunted her.

Before, she would have kept it all inside, allowing the turbulent emotions to intensify until they exploded.

This was much better, having someone to talk to.

She trusted him and knew that he wouldn't think any less of her for feeling the way she did.

B'Elanna was tired of being a hero, of having to put up that brave front for everyone else. She couldn't let them see any signs of weakness. But with Tom, she could be herself. She could pour her heart out, and he would still love her. She was safe with him.

He kissed her softly, brushing away her tears, and she allowed him to comfort her. Their lips met in the barest of caresses, sweet, warm and familiar.

But as the kiss deepened...

He gazed down at her, blue eyes bright with growing desire, aflame.

Whenever he looked at her that way, she felt like the most beautiful, desirable woman in the universe.

Bending down, he kissed her with increasing fervor. She met his kisses with equal hunger, craving his familiar touch, the tenderness and passion, the satisfaction that only he could give her.

Her arms circled his broad shoulders, her hands running through his thick hair.

He slowly lowered her onto her back, covering her body with his, but she flinched in pain.

Alarmed, he instantly rose, shifting his weight off of her. "B'Elanna?"

"Ohh... I guess I'm still a little sore..." She grimaced.

Feeling guilty, he berated himself for momentarily forgetting that she was still recovering from radiation poisoning and the grueling conditions of the mining station.

"I'm sorry." He kissed her forehead tenderly. "I shouldn't have gotten so carried away."

She reached for him, wanting, needing to be in his embrace. "I'm all right."

But Tom shook his head. "We don't have to do this right now. We can wait until you're feeling better."

"I don't want to wait," she said huskily. "I want you to make me feel better."

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you."

B'Elanna nodded, tugging at his uniform jacket in an attempt to remove it. "I'm sure. We'll just have to be more careful, that's all."

As he stared into her passion-filled eyes, the rational part of his mind was telling him that it wasn't a good idea, that she still needed time for her body to heal, but...

"Tom... please..." Her eyes were pleading him. "I need you." Needed to be close to him, to be with him. Needed to feel loved. She wanted to forget all the trauma she had been through the past few days. To heal.

Seeing the pure want in her gaze, which was mirrored in his own, he finally capitulated.

"All right... but we stop the second it hurts."

Her only response was to kiss him again feverishly.

Slowly he eased the robe off her shoulders, nibbling at her newly revealed skin... along her neck, down the creamy expanse of skin over her collarbone to her soft breasts. Taking one in his mouth, he flicked his tongue over the hardened nipple, making her gasp with pleasure. He cupped the other breast, warm and heavy, in his palm, circling the peak with his thumb.

B'Elanna dexterously stripped away his uniform, then threaded her fingers through his soft hair, the other hand running over his chest. She admired his masculine build, tracing his firm pectoral muscles and entangling her fingers in the red-gold hair on his chest. A moment later, her hand dropped lower to his abdomen, exploring his muscular physique.

Tom groaned slightly, wanting, needing more.

Brushing his lips against the side of her neck, he gently maneuvered her onto his lap. He tried to make her as comfortable as possible, arranging their limbs to fit more closely together.

She shifted slightly so that they were in better alignment, her sleek thighs splayed.

He allowed her to make the necessary adjustments without moving too much, not wanting to cause her any pain.

But she wasn't feeling any. The only ache she felt was the ache of desire...

She cradled his throbbing erection, guiding him to her waiting entrance until just the tip rested within her.

Holding his breath, he resisted the urge to plunge completely into her inviting heat.

B'Elanna lifted her head to his, entreating him to help her, and he obliged.

"Oh... " She huffed slightly as he settled her more comfortably on top of him. Gradually, she took him in deeper.

Tom moved slowly, afraid of hurting her. His hands drifted to her hips, but he didn't firmly grasp her to him as he usually did. Instead, he allowed his fingertips to barely graze her skin. His light, feathery caresses only served to tantalize her further. Aroused, she leaned into his touch with a soft moan.

She was breathing heavily, and he worried that the exertion was too much for her.

"B'Elanna..." he whispered urgently.

"Mmm..." she murmured, giving herself to him completely. It felt so good, and she trusted him not to hurt her. She had complete faith that he would be gentle with her.

He was trying to be as gentle as possible, but that was difficult when all he wanted to do was frantically thrust into her again and again until they both found their mutual release, panting and screaming. She was so hot, so tight around him. He took a deep breath, willing himself to go slowly.

Exercising all the restraint he could muster, he gently rocked them back and forth with careful, controlled movements. She rode him easily, effortlessly.

The movements were so slight, but that only intensified the sensations. She could feel every single move that he made, stimulating her every nerve. Breathless, she leaned into him even more.

Tom was struggling for breath as well. She could hear him panting in her ear.

B'Elanna trailed her fingers over his well-defined shoulder and back muscles, feeling him tense as he slightly increased the pace of his movements.

He shuddered as her fingers traced the curve of his spine. Her warm breath puffed against the side of his neck, and her raven hair rubbed along his cheek. Everything about her was soft and yielding, and he never wanted to let her go.

She closed her eyes, letting him take her where he wanted to go. She was completely aware of everything. Every little detail... the way their bodies were tightly meshed together, the heat pooling in her lower abdomen, waves of exquisite pleasure slowly intensifying. He was so hard and pulsing hot within her, filling her deepest depths. The raw power and virility he exuded electrified her.

He pushed on, feeling her contract around him in an enticing seductive rhythm with each slow thrust. Her tremors were rapidly bringing him to the edge.

Cupping her face in one hand, he leaned over to brush his lips against hers, gently at first, then more urgently. His tongue found its way into her mouth, meeting hers. She shivered in anticipation as his other hand caressed her backside, pressing her closer to him.

Throwing her head back, she let out a muffled sob as the intensity of her climax finally engulfed her.

Forgetting himself for a moment, he thrust deep into her with a lusty groan, releasing into her with a rush of molten heat.

She let out a small cry. Caught off-guard and knocked off-balance by his sudden movement, she pitched forward, falling heavily against him. Gasping for breath, she let her head drop to his shoulder. She felt his arms encircling her back, holding her securely.

After a moment, Tom pulled back slightly, concerned. "B'Elanna, did I hurt you?"

"No... I'm fine." She sighed contentedly, relaxing against him. Satisfied that she was comfortable and all right, he kissed the top of her head.

They snuggled together in bed, savoring the closeness and grateful to be together again.

"I love you," she murmured sleepily.

"Love you too."

* * *

As she slept, he watched over her, thinking about everything that she had told him.

He was finally beginning to understand why being a hero didn't mean too much to her, especially under the circumstances.

The Nograkh were clearly very sexist, and that affected the way they viewed B'Elanna. Even the former prisoners, her comrades, had that kind of attitude. A large part of their fascination with B'Elanna was because they were amazed that a woman could be heroic. They considered her exceptional not just because she was brave, but also because she was a woman, and they never thought that a mere woman could accomplish so much. That was why they made such a fuss over her.

But she didn't want them to admire her for that. She wanted to be appreciated and respected for who she was as a person, not for her gender.

He understood where she was coming from.

Many men, especially those who were insecure about themselves, often felt threatened by a strong, capable woman. Voyager had certainly encountered its share of sexist alien species over the past few years. There were plenty of macho aliens who had been intimidated by Captain Janeway, who was definitely a strong female character. She wasn't afraid to use her feminine wiles to achieve her ends, but that didn't detract from her strength; it added to it. She knew how to use whatever she had to turn the situation to her advantage.

The same was true of B'Elanna.

Tom had realized a long time ago that she didn't need to be protected, that she could take care of herself. But just because she could take care of herself didn't mean that she didn't need him. She did.

What she needed was a partner. An equal. Someone who respected her individuality and independence and didn't feel threatened by it. Someone to stand by her and support her no matter what. Someone to talk to, who would listen, who would understand.

She loved him and needed his love and support.

He smiled as she snuggled closer to him, no doubt drawn to his warmth. Careful not to wake her, he draped the blanket more securely around them and closed his eyes with a peaceful sigh.

It felt good to be needed.

* * *

B'Elanna stirred slightly, half-awake. She rested her head comfortably on Tom's chest, feeling lucky to be back on Voyager where she belonged. Safe in the arms of the man she loved.

The Klingon Day of Honor didn't seem so bad anymore.

She had spent most of her life trying to pretend that it didn't matter, but it did. She knew that now.

Tom had always tried to help her appreciate her Klingon side. Though she had resented it at first, eventually she had realized that he only did it because he cared about her. As a result of his encouragement, she had become more open and accepting of her Klingon heritage. Because it was part of her, and he made it clear that he loved and accepted her for who she was. That was important to her because she had been searching for that kind of acceptance all her life. One of her greatest fears had always been that others would reject her for her Klingon background. She had often felt like she didn't belong and worried that no man would want her the way she was, that they would always think her too Klingon, too much to handle.

She had never liked being different. But she didn't mind so much anymore, knowing that Tom loved her because she was unique.

It didn't bother her when he talked about honor because she felt that he understood and liked her for who she was as a person. He didn't categorize her as "Klingon" or "human" – to him, she was simply B'Elanna, the woman he loved. Someone special. An individual.

She didn't question his motives. He was an honorable man.

And he didn't have to prove anything to her. She respected, admired and loved him for who he was, not for his ability to protect her.

She didn't need or want him to protect her. Nor did she need or want him to worship her as a hero.

They were partners. Equals.

Two lost souls who had crossed paths only by chance. They had somehow managed to find each other in this vast, uncaring universe, and so much more than they'd dreamed of in a long time. A home, a family, hope... everything that Voyager represented. Their future.

They both had a lot to be proud of and grateful for, considering that they had both managed to turn their lives around after having been on self-destructive paths. Despite the grim circumstances that they'd had to endure, they had adapted and managed to accomplish a great deal in a short time. They'd re-evaluated themselves, faced their greatest fears, confronted their weaknesses and shortcomings, and come to terms with most of that.

If that wasn't honorable, then what was?

It didn't matter what other people thought, whether they considered you a hero or a failure or merely average, for whatever reason.

What mattered was personal honor and integrity. How you felt about yourself, the choices you made, and how you lived your life.

And that was what the Day of Honor was all about.

The End :)


End file.
